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A Vandy grad is pushed into a Service Station in his new BMW. The mechanic (a UT grad) says, "What's the matter."he says, "It just conked out on me." The mechanic works on the car for a few minutes, and soon it's purring like a kitten. The Vandy fan says, "What's the story." The mechanic replies, "Crap in the carburetor." To which the commodore asks, "How often do I have to do that?"


On their honeymoon the LSU grad told his bride, "I have a confession that I should have made before, but I was concerned that it might affect our relationship." "What is it?" she asked. "I'm a golfer," he said. "What's the big deal about that?" she asked. He replied, "When I say I'm a golfer, I mean that I'll be on the course Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday afternoon, and any holidays. If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf - golf wins." She pondered a moment and said, "I thank you for your honesty. In the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I've concealed something about my own past that you should know about. I'm a hooker." "No problem," was his response, "just widen your stance a little and overlap your grip and that should clear right up.

• Ways to Tell if Redneck works with Computers
• Redneck Letter

When an Auburn fan attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Gainesville street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A University police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The (Gator) owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.


Albert Einstein walks into a cocktail party of intellectuals and says to the first person he sees, "Hi, I'm Al Einstein. What is your IQ and where did you attend college?" "185," answers the man. "And I attended the Massachusetts Institute of Technology." "Wonderful!" replies Mr. Einstein. "We will be able to discuss the Grand Unification Theory and other deep mysteries of the universe. It will be an interesting conversation." The great physicist walks up to another person at the party and says, "Hi. I'm Al Einstein. What is your IQ and where did you attend college?" The young lady answers "118 and I am in graduate school at Princeton University." "That's terrific. We can talk about politics and current world affairs. We will have much to discuss." He moves on and walks up to another person. "Hi, I'm Al Einstein. What's your IQ and where did you attend college?" "32, and I went to. . . " "GO GATORS!!" interrupts Einstein.


This kid wanted to play college football but no scholarships were offered to him. He decided to walk-on somewhere. "What better place to play football than at Notre Dame", the lad thought. He went to South Bend and walked in to the football office and said, "I want to play football for Notre Dame." "Are you a Catholic", the coach asked. "No, sir", the young man said. "Son", the coach said understandingly, "you have to be Catholic to play football at Notre Dame." Undaunted, the young man went down to North Carolina and walked in to the football office at Duke and said, "I want to play football for Duke." "Great!", the Blue Devil coach said. "Just one thing though, are you a Baptist?" "No, sir", the young recruit answered again. "Son,", the coach said disappointingly, "you have to be a Baptist to play football at Duke." Disappointed, the young man headed over to Texas to try one more time. He walked in to the football office at SMU and declared, "I want to play football for the Mustangs!" "Sure thing, young man", the coach said eagerly. "You are a Methodist, right?" he inquired. "Well, no sir, I'm not", the disappointed recruit said. "I'm sorry, son, you have to be a Methodist to play football at SMU". Quite frustrated, the young man replied, "Well, I'll be a Son-of-a-Bit**!". The coach looked at the lad wide-eyed and said, "If you can prove that, I can get you in at Florida!!"

• redneck love poem
• application to be a redneck
• hillbilly medical terms

When Lou Holtz and Tommy Bowden were little boys, they were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They thought it was because they weren't baptized. So they went to the nearest church. Only the custodian was there. Tommy said, " We'se got to be baptized cause no one will play with us. Will you baptize us?" So the custodian took them in the bathroom and dunked them in the toilet bowl one at a time. He said, "Now go out and play." When they got outside dripping wet Lou Holtz asked, "What religion is we?" "We'se not catlic cause they pour the water -- and we'se not Baptist cause they dunk you." Tommy Bowden said, "I smelled dat water and I knows wat we is -- we's Pisscopalians

SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MIKE DUBOSE AND FIRESTONE TIRES ....

• Both need to be replaced.
• Both unravel under pressure.
• Both make a clapping noise when things go wrong.
• Both are often flat at Legion Field.
• Both have stretched belts.
• Not a GOODYEAR

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